I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
