At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
