Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
