your thong is hanging out like whoa
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
