quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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