I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i dont even know how to be here
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
