I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
