I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
