I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
