so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
