this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
