I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
drinking out of a sandbucket again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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