My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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