so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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