Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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