he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
