hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
