Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
