Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
