he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
