her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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