dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
