I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
