I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
