I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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