i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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