Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
