Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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