remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
