This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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