Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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