i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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