the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
