Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
