Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
