he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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