That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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