4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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