He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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