Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
