do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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