you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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