Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize