I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
