Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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