whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
