what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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