kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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