The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
