I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
