Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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