So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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