Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
