I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize