This is not my ceiling
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
