put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
