you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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