Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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