just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
