I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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