when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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