I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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