No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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