I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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