wanna go halves on a baby?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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