Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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