Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
