Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
