I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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