hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
