Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
