Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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