HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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