either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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