Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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