Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
