he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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